I survived my first manosphere attack - the good, the bad, and the downright 'chopped'

chopped (from Urban Dictionary): ugly, busted, not cute, dusty. You're not looking your best to say the least

Trigger warning for violent and upsetting content.

“I would fucking shoot myself in the head dead and make sure I get burried 50 ft down if I looked as fucking dog shit and ugly as fucking u u chopped bitch” - TikTok user ag121206.

You are probably wondering what I did to deserve receiving that message in my inbox at 8:58pm on a Monday night. I did the one thing I knew would probably get myself in trouble: I spoke out in defense of The Woman.

The Woman is someone I would describe as a human turned into an object of collective hate. She is a human, just like you and I, who has experienced the world the exact same way you have. Except for unlike you, she has done something Wrong. And this Wrong outweighs any potential light shining from her, as women are not expected to evoke negative emotions.

If you defend The Woman, as a woman, it turns you into The Woman next. Similar to the cheese touch from Diary of a Wimpy Kid, no one wants to be the destination of a misogynistic hate train, so people stay silent and allow the manosphere to dogpile on its latest victim.

Now, back to the story of what caused me to become The Woman.

If you’re chronically online such as myself, you may have heard of a phrase coined "the male loneliness epidemic”. This self-described epidemic describes older GenZ/younger millennial men who have found themselves without the partnership they expected at this point in time. While this is not a piece on the male loneliness epidemic, I have many thoughts I can share on the topic. This has sparked discourse across all types of online spaces, with feminists generally criticizing the “epidemic” as self-inflicted.

A response that went viral on TikTok to the “male loneliness epidemic” was recently posted by a creator by the first name of Stella, where she rebuttals we are in a “chopped man epidemic”. Now, if you do not know what chopped means, it is the 20-somethings TikTok term for being washed up, busted and, well, ugly.

The video states that the poster had seen the first attractive man she had seen in a while, and that attractive men just don’t exist for her anymore.

This, turned Stella (who I am not linking here because she does not deserve more hate) into The Woman. She has been The Woman for a hot minute now too, with think pieces crossing my For You Page every other scroll talking about how she was correct or incorrect or partially correct.

I saw a follow up video from Stella, where she lightheartedly responds to the mountains of backlash she has received and clarifies that men are not putting in effort to be attractive. As a 25-year old woman who has suffered in the trenches of Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble myself, this is an experience I can validate. They do not put effort in, whether that is talking about their physical self care or their emotional well being. So after seeing this video, I was especially primed to defend even the slightest criticism of her. Because, well, she was right. Nothing she said was personally attacking anyone. She made a generalization playing on the language of there being an “epidemic” in the young adult dating scene.

So when I saw TikTok user hinduhomeboy post a response to Stella, demeaning her and telling her to “stay delusional queen!”, fostering hundreds of negative comments surrounding Stella’s appearance and ‘worth’ (calling her lonely, et cetera), I was triggered enough to respond. And that was my first mistake.

Because he then weaponized that same audience against me, after not agreeing with being called out.

An important piece of context for how I create content as a neurodivergent individual is I respond honestly. That is how I have grown the small following of individuals who appreciate my opinions in the beauty space. So, I responded to hinduhomeboy by stating HE is the chopped one and that men that dogpile on women will never be attractive to women.

Mistake #2: I expected people to actually watch the video.

So after coming back and calling me names on his poopy1234 TikTok account (not an exaggeration, that was actually his username), he saved my video and cropped it, so that the only part of the video that played was me saying “you are chopped”. He then tried to garner sympathy from the audience by doing his skincare routine in the background with the title, “Get Unchopped with Me”.

Well the comments went nuts after me. I had threats in my comments section, in my DMs, in my Instagram comments, in my YouTube comments, in my email. Everyone thought I had called this (I hate to admit it, but) conventionally attractive man chopped. The comments theorized it was racial, since I am a white woman and he is Indian. I got messages attacking me for being racist in this political climate, and lectured on how it is not okay for me to say a person of color is '“chopped” under any circumstance, even if I was not talking about his appearance. I had people editing my photograph to make me appear like a man and commenting it over and over. I had someone draw a tic-tac-toe board on my forehead and repeatedly comment the image over and over again in my comments section. And the funniest part about it? My original video got reported and taken down for bullying and harassment.

Then, something even more sinister happened. The next day, the barrage of hate did not stop, and it came following ANOTHER video about me. Now, one thing about me is, if you sent me a hateful message it was published publicly to my TikTok. I believe in airing out what people feel comfortable saying in private. So I posted some of the private messages I had received. Well, some of those people had gotten botted, including hinduhomeboy. And the blame for being responsible was put onto me.

He posted a new video saying I had threatened him (not true) and people in his comments section (not true) which opened up the door for even more vicious comments. The feeling, sitting there reading those comments, was indescribable. As the video rolled in the background, I realized something extremely evil.

HIS VIDEO EXPOSING ME WAS AN AD FOR AN AI SERVICE.

His. Video. “Exposing”. Me. WAS AN AD!!!!!!!

Some of the comments caught on, but not enough of them did. I guess this is the “good” that is mentioned in the title?

It has been a few days and I am still receiving texts from old friends concerned about my general safety because this has blown up out of proportion. I still have my TikTok comments locked down, and you cannot comment on my Instagram unless you follow me. I feel nauseous and uneasy most of the day. I’ve been starting off each day with clonazepam (prescribed, as needed for panic attacks) because waking up each day feels like a panic attack.

You may remember that commercial that ran its course on TV for COPD medication where the elephant sat on the patient’s chest. That is what it feels like to be the target of a misogynistic smear that is defamatory in nature that you can do nothing about. Besides write about it on Substack to get the feelings out.

A while back, I read Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates. I do not know how I would have survived this manosphere attack without having read that book first. Basically, every type of man that threw attacks at me is outlined and analyzed in that book. The manosphere as it exists online is defined as an entity with influence and power. Until companies that exist online work to protect women (among countless other minority groups that are targeted), posting online as a woman IS A RISK. You are not 100% safe being yourself as a woman online unless you want some man running after you with a butter knife, bad hairline and berating insults.